It's Been Awhile

Gosh, I rememberthat darn shoulder injury. Well, It has healed. I still hurt, darn it! Real Bad today. I just keep going , going, and going... what else to do????

My Dear Hubby has been home with having back surgery and healing. We have a new puppy and life gets harder so I don't like to come here.

away, cyndi

Never goes away

I guess I am the ONE for this darn pain to never give me a break. Itry and try to not think about it and stay busy. Regardless, it is always here with me.

This has been a week of Doctor visits, My bi-year check up with General Doctor, My Bi - Year with Dentist and Physical Therapy for my now hurting shoulder which has now turned into a finger /hand pain also.

Mu neuropathy pain never goe away but with my is more manageable to a point. I can now go 4-5 hours better than before.

But a couple of weeks ago, I woke up with shoulder pain in my back my the bone in your back. I tried for a week for it to get better, Heating pad, ice pad, red hot creame rub, my RX rub, It hurt to sit in a chair withour leaning my backa nd it still does except now my fingers and left hand hurt or are numb, ( i WONDER WHICH, ALITTLE OF BOTH) SHUTE, I can;t even type. (worse than normal anyway.)

My General Dr this week told me tp be sure and tell the Ortho Dr who did x-ray on my back and said all ok, just do PT and come back 3 weeks. Well, I told the PT about it, but mayb eis not forwarding message to doctor and I called them today them as asked. I get the same thing I got the day I went there. No information, com eback for your appt and maybe you need to see a Neuro Dr. Well, why shall I waste a $30 co-pay to have him saw see a neuro.
SO, I called My Pain Mgt Dr and will ask what to do or recommend. Score one for me, maybe I have saved one dr visit co-pay at least.

More later, enuf for today as I never got to some boards I say HI too.
cyndi

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No Good on pain boards

I have been awful at posting on the pain boards wth so many of my friends who have helped me get through so many days on pain. I have not been regularly posting on the Neuro board and I just have tried so many things to get thru as I know know that it is all what it is and I just have to live with it, I suppose. The stimulator was my hope for challenging the world and getting back to what used to be and I am seeing this will never be. Geeze, I cannnot stop getting all my hopes up. The danged bills and money problems are still so bad and I can do nothing to help out but create more problems with my ideas to help and pay them off.

All of my ideas to share my estate and auction finds are fruitless. All I do is create more $ problems in the fact they are not selling agian. SO I am stuck with inventory I have purchased cheap and not be able to re-sell.

So, I am closing all my market stall stores and will have a charity sale and give to the money woes all I cana dn then I am promising to stop. I guess If I don't leave the house I cannot spend money.Not on sales at least and sales is what was in my blood I felt and in my head to accomplish something.

I guess I cannot accomplish anything well. All I do is screw up! I have been tolerated so well by all my family and especially my dear husband, but morgaging the house to pay my bills is all he can do and it has to stop. we cannot live like this anymore.

I guess I thought if I gave it all I had and I mean to the limit, it would all be ok. and it is taking me years to find it will not be ok. I just cannot accomplish this My way. MY way just is not working.

I have to accept this and try another way now. I can go apply at mininum wage jobs adn when they ask if I can stand, sit or lift, will I have to lie to just get the job and then can I keep it. I am not good at lying, even though UP sure thinks I am so good at it. That damn exam I took was a joke in that they thought I was really being a good act! That just brings back so many ahteful and bad memories of all I went thru for them and they thought I was not performing! What a joke? and to have to have $ to get a lawyer to show them the truth is absurb. So I have to go more broke and spend more money? Is it worth it? I thought the world of money was worth the truth, just to show them, but again I fail!

I guess they win and I feel so defeated, sigh!

Neuro Board ~ Posted again thanks to Gail

I have been trying so hard to get better and see how far I can go, I have forgot, well not forgot but, not stayed in touch with my friends that have helped me so much over the years online to learn about my condition and try to help them with their's though just posting and going to their forums.

Terry sent me a letter and I called him back on phone, shame on me, to have let it go that far. He was just worried about how I was doing.

And Gail at the Neuro boards sent me a letter reminding me about my account status there. I have not posted in along time.

Shirley from her Spine Forum shared her friendship with me on Facebook.

I am so sorry to have been neglecting all my friends, who have been so nice to me.

Julie even shared here friendship with me on Facebook.

I signed up to all these sites like Facebook to help promote my Web-site and Blogs to see if I can get more traffic to make my affiliates more easy to access and hopefully start paying me for items purchased from them thru my site.


Well, Shame on ME! Three slaps with the wet noodle! I vow to visit more often and keep up with my friendships better. I think my priorities are in the wrong place and this has been a wake-up call for me.

I will be better,
cyndi

Another Day, Another Pain

I sure hope today is better than yesterday with the Chronic Pain, that just will NOT leave this body. I have tried my best since my Spinal Stimulator Implant in August 2007 to make myself do more and more everyday because I think I should, I have too! What else is there, like they say, "Today is Not A Dress Rehersal". So we go on!

But, some days have been worse than others like always and we keep on drumming our private song. Only other Chronic Pain Sufferer's can understand how to deal with day to day pain that never completely goes away. It is better some days than others but never can be completely in the past as it always reminds us.

And I remember all my on-line friends who help me in my thoughts. It is hard to find other Chronic Pain suffer'ers as we tend to not fuse with everyday outings well. I may meet someone worse than me in a wheel chair at the store and remember how grateful I am to NOT be there, as I was so close at one time.

I remember when I could not walk to the mailbox and now I can.
I remember when I did ride the wheel cart and now I can walk alittle longer using the cart to lean my weight on my elbows ( my disability company who stopped paying me never understood this, did they watch me shop, but did they watch my posture? my feet in and out of my shoes constantly? stretching my toes and my feet cramping? Did they feel it? They watched me pick up pine cones for my porch basket and leaves to press. Did they see me when I got got home and took a hot bath to relieve the pain? They think they know!

I have tried so hard to make extra money to pay the doctor bills I incurred while seeing every referral I was sent to because this was not the PLAN! No, it was NOT THE PLAN! for my 50's to be using a cane? It was not the PLAN! To wear special insoles is not bad but, I can't wear SHOES! or SOCKS! or Tight Clothing!
None of this was in the PLAN! but then, I know most Plans are altered, and we go on...

enuff, later

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